Love in the time of Corona
This is the story of one brave man and his crazy Turkish bride
As of today, March 20th 2020, Mark and I have been together for 26 years, married for 16 of them.
We were kids when we got together. I was 18. He was 20. I told him I loved him within weeks of our first date. I also told him we were going to get married soon after that. He excruciatingly waited many months to say “I love you” back. And then eight years to actually propose. But you could say, in the end, I was proven not only right, but clairvoyant. Or you could say I‘ve always been a bit insane. (Semantics, really.)
Twenty six years is a long time to spend with any one person. It’s a bit longer if your wife happens to be — how can I put this nicely — an over-thinker of epic proportions. And we’ve faced plenty of struggles together, including years where we were thousands of miles apart, followed by a four-year battle with infertility, and then the more common heartaches that come with getting older: losing a beloved father, grandparents, other family near and far.
And now we are dealing, together, with a global pandemic. And I’ve got to admit — even this over-thinker did not see this coming.
One might think that a global lockdown, where couples are required to spend inordinate amounts of time together, might lead to an increase in love and pregnancy. On the contrary, what little data we have shows that it is in fact increasing divorce rates!
So, while I have very limited wisdom and a sample size of just one couple, I am happy to share what I’ve learned about love both in the last twenty-six years and also in the more recent weeks during this time of Corona:
Rule 1: Listen to your damn wife. Yes, she may crazy. Yes, she may be completely overreacting. In fact, she most certainly is. But, god forbid, what if she is not? Can you even imagine the next few decades of your life listening to her smug “I told you.” No. Definitely not. So go ahead, drive your family twenty hours to Arkansas.
Rule 2. Praise your handsome husband. The man just drove your sorry ass twenty hours to Arkansas. And because you have the driving skills of a cross-eyed three-year-old, you sat and played Candy Crush while he did all the work. He needs to be told how awesome he is. Because he is. He is capable, caring, and incredibly sexy sporting a three-day old stubble while outmaneuvering 18-wheelers. Tell him.
Rule 3. Focus on the positive. Sure, we left behind our scorching fast WiFi and a full DVR, but now we have a backyard and something people here refer to as “Super Walmarts.”
Rule 4. Be kind to one another. Last night, despite having already driven 9+ hours, Mark knew deep in his bones that I needed to go to a Super Walmart right away because 1. I am insane 2. It’s called a “Super Walmart,” people! So to be kind, he took me. And because I too am kind, I let him stay in the car and text his camp friends.
Rule 5. Find the funny. I know nothing seems funny right now. Everyone is scared and rightfully so. The whole world is in chaos and uncertainty reigns. But this morning, my husband gave me a big kiss and said “Honey, I got you absolutely nothing for our anniversary.” And I said “Oh my god, what a fun coincidence, that’s also exactly what I got you!” And then we laughed about it and for that moment, all was well with our world.
If the past few weeks have taught us anything, it’s that control is an illusion. Life is thrilling, unexpected, heartbreaking, beautiful and chaotic. And if you are lucky… really lucky… unbelievably lucky…then you get a partner along for the ride.
Happy anniversary, my love.
