You need to go get your Bivalent Booster now. It’s time.
The equivalent of three Boeing 777s crashed last week, killing 1234 Americans.
Shocking, right? But you haven’t heard about it because they actually died from Covid. And we’ve collectively decided to ignore those deaths. We will just quietly add them to the stats kept neatly and solely by the CDC, a million perished souls and counting….
Because Covid is over. It’s so last year. No more masks. No more distancing. No more having to display those awkwardly-sized vaccine cards. Covid is done. Finished. Ask anyone. (Well, anyone other than ER doctors and nurses.)
The thing is you’ve probably had Covid yourself by now. (In my extended family of over 50+ people, we are down to our last three miraculous Covid holdouts.) As for the rest of us..ehh, okay, it was bad, but not that bad. Like a severe cold or a mild flu…sucked for a few days, but then we recovered. And now it’s over. It’s over, right? I mean… you are vaxxed and even boosted. You’ve done your part. And despite all that at some point, you still got sick. But you got that over and done with too. You are still here. So enough already.
I hate to break it to you. But…
Covid is here. It lives. It mutates and it grows. And it’s gonna take us by storm this winter. It’s gonna gleefully explode over the holidays as we travel and get together. Kiss and hug again. As we should. As we must.
Because we, as Americans, thrive on risk. How else could you explain the 42,000 car crash fatalities that occurred last year? (Did you know that despite having only 4.5% of the world’s population, Americans own 19% of the world’s cars?) And let’s not forget 45,000 gun deaths per year. (We also happen to own about 46% of the world’s entire gun cache.) Americans also consume more red meat than just about anyone, and take a whole bunch of drugs. Let’s just say — we like to live dangerously. It’s us. It’s who we are. It’s built in to our pilgrim, immigrant, conquer-the-wild-west, gold-rush DNA. But there is dangerous and then there is stupid dangerous.
There is driving across the country sight-seeing, with your airbags activated and your seatbelts buckled. Then there is speeding with your kids in the back of a pick-up truck.
There is going to a range with your licensed firearm. Then there is pulling a gun inside a police station.
There is enjoying the rare steak, and then there is eating worms to win a python in a Florida eating contest.
In short, there is live-your-life dangerous, then there is dangerous stupid.
Covid falls in this list now. Because frankly any time you leave your house, it’s a little bit dangerous. But do it without your vaccine, your boosters (yes, multiple)— then it just becomes stupid dangerous. The vaccines are free and available everywhere. And they work. I swear to science they work.
Here is the best analogy I can come up with: Your body is a hot nightclub. And the vaccine is like a strong bouncer at the door. When you first get this bouncer, he is a big tall dude with 20/20 vision. He can spot the virus a mile away and keep him out. Or even if the virus sneaks in, the bouncer can go quickly and beat the crap out of the virus and kick him out. But every month in real life feels like a decade for your bouncer. So within six months, your bouncer has aged 60 years. Now he is an old man with bad eye sight and an aching back. Maybe now he can’t recognize the virus as well. And also when he finally catches the virus inside your body, he has a hell of a time ejecting him.
Thus every six months or so, you have to get a new bouncer. You can get them one of two ways. They come pre-packaged with a Covid infection. (This is a sucky way to get them.) Or you can pick one up at your local Walgreens or CVS via a vaccine for free. And unless your own doctor very specifically tells you not to get a Covid booster — it’s now time to go get the booster. Your bouncer is old and slow. He is gonna let Covid in. Again and again.
I know, I know. It’s the holidays. Your to-do list is a mile long. You are traveling. It’s tough. I get it.
But a plane full people died from Covid yesterday. And another plane will go down tomorrow.
Covid’s not going anywhere.
We are either gonna learn how to live with it. Or we will learn how to die from it.
So if you’ve been waiting for the right time — this is it. Go get your updated booster.